Saturday, December 31, 2011

Looking Forward to 2012

 me at the end of 2011
As every year I have high hopes for the new year to come, big reams, goals and resolutions are made and not always fulfilled. I did fulfill a lot of the things I had outlined for 2011 but the ones that fell flat all revolved around me.  I didn't take the time to reflect and work  on me, and because of that I didn't go forward with any of my personal goals of finding a new career or selling any of my creations.
I am grateful for all the lessons 2011 brought me, I am grateful for all my friends an family. It was a quiet but busy year. It didn't turn out the way I envisioned it but it was a good year none the less. 
This year instead of doing resolutions, I am dedicating a theme for the year. I will have a whole year to work on it and there isn't a check list to check off. Anything I accomplish puts me that much closer to finding out who I am right now, at this stage of life. My theme for 2012 is me. I need to take time to reflect on how I've changed and grown over the last 7 years of being a mother, I need to reflect on how my relationship with Rock has changed and grown and how I can make things better. I need to reflect on my role as a mother now that my children are growing up and we are leaving the baby stages behind for the last time. I need to figure out why I have this fear of putting myself out there and making something of myself. Instead I marinate miserably at my job when I have talents and potential.  I feel like I'm just coasting right now.
I'm feeling more reflective today because it's the one year anniversary of my MIL's funeral and it's making me realize I didn't make enough changes this past year to make the most of my life.  This holiday season a few of my friends have lost their loved ones as well. This is making me reflect on my life even more. One of them was a young mother of 3 young children.  I keep thinking what if it was me? I don't think I've done enough to make the most of the life I have.  I need to make the most of it, I need to make changes to benefit all of us, life is so short and precious.
2011 I supported Rock through his journey, I watched the children while he goes works out and attends meetings that help him change both physically and emotionally. I  supported him through the loss of essentially a person, he has lost over 150 lbs since March and still going strong.
2012 will be my year, I hope to get back on the health kick I was on before I gave up on myself because I felt like my body failed me again when I did the triathlon relay. I am so mad at myself for not being able to finish the race and having to be pulled out of the water. I will start the year out right, change my diet and get back into the gym.  I will focus back on getting healthy as opposed to training for an event. I think that doing that took the fun out of it for me. It also brought up memories of my body failing me in the past. 
So see the theme is me, I have a lot of work to do on a lot of fronts to make myself a better person. I can't wait to see what this next year will bring.
Wishing everyone a Happy New Year may 2012 bring forth new hope. I hope that 2012 is filled with lots of love, laughter, prosperity, family, friends, health and happiness. 


Me at the end of 2010

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