Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Back to Work

Yesterday was my first day back at work it was a day I wasn't looking forward to but I also felt it was a start to a new chapter. That it was filled with possibility, that maybe things were going to be different this time. I can tell you that it was made clear very quickly that as much as thing had changed the more they stayed the same and any silly dreams I may have will remain dreams. It was a frustrating and demoralizing day. It was an emotional day. Instead I will have to work on myself and make my dreams come true in another venue.
Tutu and Muffin had a good day without me. My parents watched over them and although they missed me they had lots of fun. When I got home, Tutu came to me had a little bit of milkies and then went away from me. It broke my heart to be shunned by him, I missed him so badly and he didn't want me. I know he was upset with me that I went away and left him. I know it will get better but after a bad day at work, this just hurt. That said Muffin and Monkey more then made up for it with the love and affection they showered me with. Muffin barely left my side the whole night. It was an adjustment for all of us.
Let's hope that over the next few weeks things get easier on all of us and yesterday's rough day was just a fluke.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Our Life in Pictures Part 2

Fooling around at home

Fooling around after dinner (someone really enjoyed their pasta)

Enjoying a warm day at the park. (note my 77 year old dad taking Tutu down the slide, oh to be as fit as he is).

Enjoying the backyard.

Our life in Pictures

Here are pictures from the last few weeks.

Spirit Week

Back to the Future Monkey wore the dress that my mom originally wore in the 70's I wore in the late 80's early 90's and now she is wearing it.

Hat Day

PJ and Crazy Hair day. Apparently Monkey had the craziest hair in teh school.

A close up of the back of the hair

And we did a trip to the Science Centre (Monkey won a pass for 5 people for having the best Halloween costume. People complain about the effort to make but it's worth making the costumes).

Tutu playing in Kid's Park.

Muffin comparing her hand

Tutu and I on the screen.

Playing in the water

My astronauts

Snow much fun

I will add more on another post.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

A busy week ahead

A busy week ahead, Tutu is turning one on Saturday and it's an extra special day for him because we will be baptizing him along with celebrating his 1st birthday. There is so much to do to get ready for the party and I'm already behind as I didn't get around to making the fondant today.
The plan for the week ahead:
Monday- make fondant, make filling, bake cakes, sign up the girls for soccer, order the food for the party and I have an appointment in the late afternoon
Tuesday - whip the whipped cream, assemble the cakes and freeze for carving, make rice krispies and shape, plus I have a friend coming over for a play date
Wednesday - cover the cakes and rice krispies in fondant, make goody bags, decorate
Thursday - clean, do groceries for the party, start party prep for the food
Friday - pick up the balloons, finish cleaning, finish decorating, any last minute stuff
Saturday - freak out and get everyone ready for 5pm mass. Then enjoy the celebration.
Sunday - birthday party in Cambridge

Plus I want to upload some pictures here from the last few weeks, show off some new house decore, wait for the dentist to call to get fitted for my mouth guard, get ready to start work the following Monday along with the normal craziness and business in our lives.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Crazy rantings of a not so crazy woman

2 weeks today I go back to work. You would think it's my 3rd time doing this and it wouldn't be so hard. But it is on many different fronts. Panic and anxiety is setting in, I feel I am no where near ready to go back.

With everything that has happened the last year, I feel I didn't get the time to be with my children. I *know* I did something that was great but it did make me loose out on time with my children. I was hoping that my year off I was going to make up to the girls for the previous year of not doing anything fun because we were taking care of my FIL. However, I spent alot of the time taking care of my MIL. My children did learn an important lesson from all this which is family is so important and you do everything in your power to help them. I am grateful for my miracle baby who came into our lives, I believe, so that I could take care of MIL.

Part of my anxiety is around Monkey. We have been working on her handwriting and have been seeing some improvement with it. Nothing great but the trend is towards improvement. We have found out that along with the handwriting, she is having difficulties with her spelling and her reading. Apparently the spelling isn't as great an issue as the reading. After March Break Monkey will be starting a Reading Recovery program to help with that. She will be taken out of the class everyday for half an hour to work on it. I keep wondering what I did wrong, why didn't I pick up on this sooner. Could we have prevented this if we were more in tune? Maybe if it was just Rock or myself doing homework with her we would have picked up on it. Instead who ever was available did homework with her.

Now my concern is when I go back to work it would give Rock and myself a 3 hour window until Monkey's bed time where we would have to make and eat dinner, bath time and homework. That doesn't give us much time to get all that done. Plus on Monday nights she has Polish Girls Scouts and Wednesday nights is swimming lessons. Take into consideration her homework on some nights take forever, we wouldn't get the chance to work on her handwriting or reading. After hearing my concerns (OK, crazy complaints) Rock has come up with a solution (no, I can't stay home and home school) but he's going to continue working a 7-3 shift so he can come home cook dinner and work on homework with Monkey and then when I would come home after 5 I would be able to just be with the family. It's not my ideal situation but at least it addresses my concerns. This way the kids also get some more time with their daddy.

There is also the fact that I'm not happy to go back to my job. It doesn't make me happy, it doesn't challenge me. There was a time when I was challenged and enjoyed my job but since I returned back to work after my maternity leave with Monkey that isn't the case. The position I was working in was made redundant. I was put in another position that I was told was comparable. There isn't a lot of movement from the team to other positions and not from a lack of trying on our parts. I've been with the company for 13 years now and I'm at the point where it's easier to deal with the devil you know then the devil you don't. Plus I've thinking about going back to school and until I make up my mind on that I will go back to where it's easier.

Then there is the housework. I have not been the neatest person, messes didn't use to phase me but for some reason messes and clutter drive me insane. I spend a good portion of my day cleaning up after everyone. And to clean the house takes a few hours, by the time I clean up toys from around the house, dust, sweep and wash the floors it takes about 2 1/2-3 hours. Where am I suppose to fit that in in the small amount of time I will have. I wish I could go back to where clutter didn't drive me crazy. I will say my house isn't perfect, it's not a show house it's a house where people live and 3 of them are small children but I do try to keep it neat. I guess I need to learn to break the task down into smaller parts and do a little bit everyday. It's just so satisfying seeing your whole house clean at once, even if it doesn't last very long.

Plus there are still so many projects I wanted to get done that didn't get done. A big one was unpacking the boxes from when we moved. I did get some done last week, as I attended a swap on the weekend and it was my motivation to get rid of clutter and purge. But my to do list seems like it's miles long.

The one thing I don't have to worry about when I go back is the childcare my children will receive and how they will transition, especially Tutu. During the time my MIL was home my parents where over every day to help and support us. Because I spent most of my days caring for MIL, my dad spent alot of time with Tutu. He got use to not being with me for longer periods of time. I know my children will be getting the best care possible while I work. In some cases even better care then Rock and I provide because they are the grandparents and can spoil them.

I know things will be OK, I know we will get back into a routine and we will manage. I definitely know and understand that we can plan to our hearts content but things will not go to plan. I guess I'm still dealing with all my emotions surrounding the last 2 years. I haven't had time to decompress and process everything. Things will get better. They just have too.

As a side note, I do realize that I use the word alot, alot. I know the word doesn't exist and isn't grammatically correct. For those of you who it bugs check this out.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Don't bite the breast that feeds you

I have been nursing my children for over 6 years. I have nursed/nursing 3 children. I have nursed through a miscarriage and 2 pregnancies. I have tandem nursed twice. You would think I would be a good expert, some of my friends seem to think so and ask me for help and advice but sadly I'm not.

I started off to a rocky start because Monkey was whisked away to NICU moments after birth as she was having troubles breathing due to fluid on her lungs and swallowing meconium. My first opportunity to nurse was on her second day of life. I knew it was important to get your milk established so I asked for a pump, I didn't get the pump until her second day of life even though she had been born at 9:05 am. I asked for a lactation consultant but one never showed up. When I did get a chance to hold my child for first time and nurse. The nurses never showed me how to do it. Luckily she latched on right away, however I was told it was taking too long and that she wasn't getting enough. I was told that if I didn't supplement her with formula her sugars would drop and I wouldn't be able to take my baby home. I was a new mom, desperate to do the right thing and be able to bring my daughter home. You would think with such a rocky start we wouldn't have made it. I've heard of lesser things disrupting the breastfeeding relationship but we persevered because it was important to me. My goal at that time was to nurse her for 1 year.

At around when Monkey was a month old I went to a playgroup help by a local baby-wearing group. There I learned how to use my sling, about all sorts of baby carriers and how to nurse in them. It was there that I was first exposed to extending nursing. I saw a woman nursing her toddler and I thought wow good for her but I would never be able to do that. It didn't seem right to nurse once they could ask for it. Why didn't it seem right? Because that's what society dictated. I was blessed by these women, they exposed me to so many things and showed me it was normal.

I ended up nursing Monkey for 4 years, her last nurse was on her 4th birthday. It was a decision we mutually came to. I nursed her through a miscarriage and Muffin's pregnancy. I tandem nursed them for 10 months. I nursed Muffin for just over 2 years before Tutu came along and have been tandem nursing them for 11 months and counting. You would think I've encountered all, latch problems (with Monkey), thrush(with all 3, yoga toddler nursing (all 3) and yet I've never experienced biting. Until now that is.

I don't know what to do about it. It's the same breast he bites. I've tried different techniques to stop it but it still keeps happening. I don't want to end our breastfeeding relationship but may need to if this doesn't stop. It saddens me to write this but I don't know how much longer I can tolerate this. It only happens when he's teething but it seems like all his teeth are trying to come in at once. A set comes in and then boom we start all over again.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Works in Progress

So I had a rule where I would only work on one project at a time so I would finish them and not have tons of works in progress. Just before Christmas I broke that rule and now I have a few works in progress. I am going to finish them up and start to follow my rule again.

Just before Christmas I started to make dolls for the kids. I was making it without a pattern and I had to put it away when things were getting worse with my MIL. I couldn't concentrate and it started my works in progress. Here is the doll head in progress, I was having trouble embroidering the eyes. underneath you can see the invites I was working on for Tutu's Baptism. I need to get them out by tomorrow.

The other day i started another over-painting.I kinda got stuck because I wanted the feathers on the wings to shimmer but feathers and glimmer mist don't mix. I need to redo the feathers but I do like how it's turning out. This time I've included a before and in progress picture.

I'm also working on a blanket for Tutu's Baptism. The one we used for the girls is somewhere still in a box so I've got that to work on as well.

To top all that off I've received alot of distractions in the mail over the last few days. I got my Chapter's order and 2 new magazines. I really want to dive right in and be inspired.

And here are a few pictures of my family to share.
Here is Rock and the kids with my dad on his 77th Birthday. Doesn't he look good?

And here are the girls in their new shoes. Monkey is rocking out her first pair of heels.

A cute picture of Tutu.