Looking Forward to 2012

 me at the end of 2011

 

As every year I have high hopes for the new year to come, big reams, goals and resolutions are made and not always fulfilled. I did fulfill a lot of the things I had outlined for 2011 but the ones that fell flat all revolved around me.  I didn't take the time to reflect and work  on me, and because of that I didn't go forward with any of my personal goals of finding a new career or selling any of my creations.

 

I am grateful for all the lessons 2011 brought me, I am grateful for all my friends an family. It was a quiet but busy year. It didn't turn out the way I envisioned it but it was a good year none the less. 

 

This year instead of doing resolutions, I am dedicating a theme for the year. I will have a whole year to work on it and there isn't a check list to check off. Anything I accomplish puts me that much closer to finding out who I am right now, at this stage of life. My theme for 2012 is me. I need to take time to reflect on how I've changed and grown over the last 7 years of being a mother, I need to reflect on how my relationship with Rock has changed and grown and how I can make things better. I need to reflect on my role as a mother now that my children are growing up and we are leaving the baby stages behind for the last time. I need to figure out why I have this fear of putting myself out there and making something of myself. Instead I marinate miserably at my job when I have talents and potential.  I feel like I'm just coasting right now.

 

I'm feeling more reflective today because it's the one year anniversary of my MIL's funeral and it's making me realize I didn't make enough changes this past year to make the most of my life.  This holiday season a few of my friends have lost their loved ones as well. This is making me reflect on my life even more. One of them was a young mother of 3 young children.  I keep thinking what if it was me? I don't think I've done enough to make the most of the life I have.  I need to make the most of it, I need to make changes to benefit all of us, life is so short and precious.

 

2011 I supported Rock through his journey, I watched the children while he goes works out and attends meetings that help him change both physically and emotionally. I  supported him through the loss of essentially a person, he has lost over 150 lbs since March and still going strong.

 

2012 will be my year, I hope to get back on the health kick I was on before I gave up on myself because I felt like my body failed me again when I did the triathlon relay. I am so mad at myself for not being able to finish the race and having to be pulled out of the water. I will start the year out right, change my diet and get back into the gym.  I will focus back on getting healthy as opposed to training for an event. I think that doing that took the fun out of it for me. It also brought up memories of my body failing me in the past. 

 

So see the theme is me, I have a lot of work to do on a lot of fronts to make myself a better person. I can't wait to see what this next year will bring.

 

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year may 2012 bring forth new hope. I hope that 2012 is filled with lots of love, laughter, prosperity, family, friends, health and happiness. 

Ania

Me at the end of 2010

Miss you Mom

Today is a special day in my life. A year ago today the world lost an amazing woman, a woman who was selfless, kind, caring, a beautiful soul. A year ago today my MIL passed away while I was in the next room nursing Tutu just after 4am. I had been up with her all night changing the dressings on her wound every hour or so because it was leaking so badly.  After suffering with the tumor for over  3 years, taking care of my step-FIL before he passed away, after spending 4 months in the hospital and 5 months at home she left her earthly body and went home to be with God and all her family that went before her. She no longer had to suffer as she had been for a long time.  She was so strong but the cancer was stronger then her. She was more then just a MIL to me, she was a second mom.

This is Rock's favorite picture of his mom because it shows so much of her fun personality.

I share more about MIL here when we celebrated her life at the cottage this summer.

Mom I love you so much, and miss you like crazy. Christmas wasn't Christmas without you, no one to decorate with, sings carols with, bake with, with the same enthusiasm you did.  I hope you are resting finally and enjoying your eternal life.



As with previous weeks I'm linking up with The Pleated Poppy and Mama Go Round.

What I wore to Monkey's Christmas concert and work.
hair pin - gift from my mom
cowl necklace - made by me
t-shirt - Penningtons
skirt worn as a strapless dress - Thyme Maternity
jeans - MXM

What I wore to Christmas Eve - it seems like I'm into the turquoise accessories since I wore them  times this week. In my defense it went with my tree.

hair pin - gift from my mom
cowl necklace - made by me
top- Penningtons
skirt -Penningtons
leggings - Penningtons
 bracelet - Forever 21
earrings- made by me

Christmas Day
hair flower - Walgreens
t-shirt - Forever 21 (gift from my dad, he has such good taste, ok so I picked it out with Monkey)
 belt - Forever 21
bracelet - Forever 21
jeans - MXM

And here is the whole family on Christmas day. I shared pictures from Christmas Eve here and will share more Christmas pictures this week, along with some of the gifts I made.

 

 

On Boxing day I made a quick run to Michael's to spend some Christmas money and spent the day in comfy clothes so no pictures from then. Yesterday we went to visit Rock's extended family and this is what I wore.

hair pin - gift from my mom

t-shirt - Forever 21 (this is a better picture as you can see all the embellishment on it. And yes I wore it twice in a week)

 belt - Forever 21
bracelets - Forever 21
jeans - MXM

The necklace that I'm wearing there is one I never take off. It was my MIL and she bequeathed it to me. She wanted a journey necklace for the longest time. FIL promised to get it for her for their 20th wedding anniversary. He got really sick a few months before that milestone and passed away the day after their anniversary.  She never got her necklace but her boss being the great man he is (they had been working together for 12 years) bought it for her on her birthday last year. She got her necklace she wanted for the longest time.  I wear it everyday to remind me of her, to keep her strength with me, her wisdom and guidance.

I'm sorry this wasn't such a happy post, but this whole season I just wasn't feeling it.  I hope my MIL is watching down on me and proud of what I have accomplished, proud of what our family has accomplished and proud of what her son has accomplished because Rock has made so many life altering changes in the last  year.

Be good to all those around you, love them and let them know because you don't know how much time you have with them.

Ania

Celebrating Mom

Today we are up at the cottage honouring the life of my MIL (also know as Mom). Family and friends are joining us to celebrate her life a few days before what would have been her 60th birthday.

Sadly her life ended way too early on December 28th. She was at home with us as she had wished to spend her final days. She spent four months in the hospital before coming home.

The prognosis was less then 3 months but being the fighter she was she proved them wrong and hung on for 5 months.

She was an inspiration her whole life but more so during the last year of her life.

Mom was a generous hardworking individual.  She started working at a young age. She was also very generous, she would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it.  When my FIL got sick 11 years ago an wasn't able to work she took on an extra job to bring in some extra money to help them live but also to be able to provide extras to her family. 

She loved to shower us with little gifts and once she had grandkids they were spoiled rotten. A trip to Babcia's house always meant a shopping trip and new toys or crafts supplies were always acquired, even new clothes.

A few times a year she would work extra so that we would make weekend trips to Buffalo to so some shopping. We would stay all weekend, eat out and shop.  She even started training Monkey to be her personal shopper (I guess I wasn't doing a good enough job for her).

Christmas time brought her great joy, even though the last few years she wasn't able to do the shopping herself. She would give me very detailed lists and budgets for what she wanted for each person and send me on my way. She loved to wrap all the goodies for her loved ones and took great joy seeing everyone open an enjoy their gifts. And there was always a feast, we always had enough food to feed twice the amount of people over. Mom never wanted anyone to go hungry.

When Dad got really sick Mom was working at least 2 jobs, taking care of him while unknown to us having a tumour growing and bothering her. January of last year she was still working and even after we found out she had cancer she still tried to make it in to work. She was a strong person and had a strong worth ethic she never wanted to let anyone down.

Towards  the end the pain she had to deal with was great but she tried to take as a little medication as she could so that she was still coherent for her grandkids and visitors.  She always played a big role in her grandkids lives and until November would do homework with Monkey.

She always smiled and laughed her way throughout life and her illness, she was an inspiration the way she handled herself.

We all have found memories of her and while you are reading this we are celebrating the life of this amazing woman. Her family and friends, remembering the good times, remembering this kind gentle soul.