Every Journey Start With A Step However Small

Ok I’m starting this pen to paper because ideas seem to flow more easily here. When I type it out on the computer, I feel like I need to be perfect right off the bat, I edit as I go and I am less likely to edit my ideas and content when I do it that way. I just relay on spell check for spelling and grammar (areas which I suck in and truly don’t care about and here is a blog post that validates my thinking. I love to have my ideas validated by others. I am by no means at that calibre of writing but it still feels good to be validated.  For those that don’t wish to click the link, she talks about content and ideas being more important the spelling, grammar and typos; that those things don’t make you any less intelligent. Sorry to all my friends who are hung up on that, you clearly know that I am not and sorry if I drive you crazy).

 

Ok so I’m writing this because I’ve come to some realizations and insights. If you have been flowing along with me, you can see I have been undergoing some personal transformations; I am in self-discovery phase of my journey. I am not happy with certain aspects of my life (work) and am trying to figure out what to do about it.  At 35 I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

What? At 35 I should have this figured out, I should be living that life but sadly at 35 I am coming into my own and releasing the labels others have put on me. I am struggling with the role model I am trying to be for my children.

In high school I took courses my parents told me to. Math and science was what I was supposed to focus on. I never took any art classes except the mandatory one, even though I loved them. My Dad especially wanted my brother and I to go to university, like he did. Boy was he disappointed when I went to college to be a Child and Youth Worker, and more disappointed when I dropped out of college. The coup de gras was when my brother dropped out of university. No university graduates in his family.

During my first year of Child and Youth worker at Humber I was going through some personal stuff, it was also when I first met Rock. After a series of events I decided to take a year off school and refocus myself and figure out what I wanted to do.

In that year off Rock’s mom advised us that instead of renting we should look into buying a condo as the condo market was hot. We were able to get a good deal pre-construction and so now my returning back to school was put on the back burner; we now had a mortgage to pay for.

We got married and started the journey to have kids, when it wasn’t happening I came up with a plan to go back to school and still work full time. I was going to apply to George Brown for the Jewellery Design program. I made it through the interview process but when it was time to put my application in I found out I was pregnant with Monkey, and then came Muffin and lastly Tutu. My dreams of going back to school were once again put on the back burner.

A side note here, I feel like I am rambling but I feel it`s important to share my story. I have learned so much from others sharing their stories and it is also part of being authentic in my posts. Now back to the regular scheduled rambled blog post.

So now here I am 8 years later still not knowing what I want to be when I grow up (side note I also am wondering when I’m going to feel like a grown up, right now I still feel like I am faking it). I do know I want to do something creative, I know I want to work with my hands, I do know I like to work on a variety of tasks. I like planning and organizing, I like analyzing stats. I anyone has an idea of what a good career for me would be that would be great. Right now I can’t seem to see past call centre and administration. I can tell you I DO NOT want to do that when I grow up. Heck, I don’t want to do that right now anymore but I have a family to help support. I need to figure out what different types of careers are out there and how to transfer my skills that I have acquired. I know they are transferable but I just can’t see the logistics right now.

Things I am going to do right now are to stick with my day job, I hate it but it does have some perks like being close to home and working with Rock. Plus it’s easier to deal with the devil you know, than the devil you don’t. I will continue to blog and refine my blogging style and voice. I will start up an Etsy store and work towards my goal.

Now I have done a TON of research (research is my security blanket, the more knowledge I have the better I feel). I have read both sides of the debate of following your dreams and making a living from it.  I have decided after months (ok more like over a year) of research that I am done with reading and research, that I am going to trust my gut and follow my intuition.

I do have a couple of different ideas of where I want to be and what I want to do but for now I will take small calculated risks while having the safety net of a full time job (even one that makes me unhappy. Then I can figure out if I am cut out for self-employment, figure out the business ins and out.

I am finally taking baby steps to work towards this dream. I have started making my first products to stock in my store. I will be setting up an Etsy store shortly and I will share with you when I get it set up.

 The bow I'm starting to make

I did have a hard time narrowing down what I want to sell but for now I will stick to my crocheted bows and bow ties, my crocheted hats and fabric flower headbands. I’m sure this will evolve as I get more into things but I wanted to keep things simple to start.

So now I have made myself accountable to you that I will do this. I don’t have a date yet but I hope to do it by October, in time for the Holiday season. I have to get a bit of stock set up and figure the logistics of names and such.

I am scared but also excited as to what can come out of this. I hope you stick around and see where this journey takes me. And if you are sharing a similar journey with me, drop me a line and maybe we can cheerlead each other, keep each other accountable and help each other out.

Scared and exited,

Ania

First Communion

On April 15 Monkey celebrate the sacrament of her First Holy Communion.  With months of preparation behind us she was able to participate an important part of our faith.

Following in my mother's footsteps she had one made dress for the day and I store bought one.  My mother and I made the dress she wore to the church. We made it in 2 parts so that in 4 years when Muffin celebrates her First Holy Communion she will be able to wear it.  Right now they are almost the same size so in 4 years there is no way it would fit her.  The skirt we left the elastic undone so we can let it out for Muffin and the skirt is very long. If we need to lengthen it we can just add another row of ruffles. As for the shirt we purchase some extra material so we can make a shirt to fit her.  My mother made the purse to go with the dress and I made the flower pin on the dress and the flower wreath and veil.  I have 6 years to figure out how to sew a suit for Tutu's Communion.

We got to the Church about half an hour before mass so we could take some pictures and avoid the crowds after mass.

These pictures were taken at the back of the church

 Sisters at the Altar

Muffin at the Altar

And of course Muffin needed to have her picture taken.

Monkey in front of the Tabernacle

Of course Muffin needed in on the action

The group of children who celebrated the Sacrament together.

I`m a bit disappointed with the church, they don't it by school which is ok,they do it as part of a few regular masses and there are 3or 4 schools who participate. I'm ok with this what disappoints me is that it`s not made special for the children that day, they sit with their parents during the mass, there are no special songs or readings or prayers by the children. The only thing that was done to made them stand out was 1) their names were read int he prayers of the Faithful, 2) they had the children who were celebrating and their families come up first for Communion before the rest of the conjuration and 3) at the end of mass the children were called up to receive their certificates. I wish it would have been a little bit more.

The cake I made for Monkey

A family picture while we enjoy fireworks on the cake.

 My girl looking so big

I am so proud of my girl, she did so well.

Ania

Easter Weekend

This weekend I celebrated Easter with my family. It was nice to spend time with family, celebrate our traditions and faith.

Good Friday the kids had us up early so we could colour Easter eggs before we went to visit family in the afternoon.

It was a very intense session, everyone was very into making their eggs.  In the last picture Tutu is happy because he was able to participate. I had picked up on clearance last year the spinner egg decorator and it was easy enough for him to use. He  just had to press down on the button and it spun the egg and dye around.  He loved it.

We went to go visit with Rock's Aunt, Uncle and grandparents.  The weather was so nice that the kids spent most of their time outdoors.  They even had their lunch of chicken soup outside.

Saturday morning I had an appointment and Rock drove me, we let a little bit early so we could sneak in a breakfast date.  Ever since we moved to Mississauga from downtown Toronto we have not been able to find a good hole in the wall breakfast diner.  We found a pretty decent place but we are still on the lookout for a good one.  We tried a new place that morning; the food was ok, the ambiance was meh but at least the company was good.  After my appointment we headed home so my dad and I could take the kids to church to bless our Easter baskets, while Rock prepped for our Easter dinner that night.

It is a Polish tradition to bless a basket of food at church on Holy Saturday.  In the basket you have eggs, bread, salt, sausage, we also added sugar lambs and a babka (it's like a sweet bread).

The we had Easter dinner that night because my dad works on Sundays (yes at 78 years old he still works part time 3 days a week). My cousin came over with her family and we celebrated Easter together.  My cousin took over as photographer with her camera so I have no pictures from Saturday night yet.

The girls left some celery and water out for the Easter Bunny along with a note.

The Easter Bunny came and left chocolate all over my house. (Please ignore the mess but it's hard to bend over to pick up stuff and fix slip covers when your knee is out.  In the past the Easter Bunny would leave precise trails leading up to the goods but this year for some reason he didn't do that.

Easter morning checking out what the Easter bunny brought.  Muffin was here too but she came down in her birthday suit so I made her go back upstairs and get dressed so I could take pictures of the mornings events. 

She came down with her sailor dress on backwards.

Here you can see some of the loot the Easter Bunny left. the girls got matching Hello Kity bathing suits, Tutu got a toy that sings and dances. there was some little people and some little girls figures and of course some chocolate.

Before church I curled the girls hair. I was doing a trail run for Monkey's  First Communion next Sunday.

And we hunted eggs. our backyard has 3 sections to it so I gave each kid a section to hunt for the eggs. they had a blast. Tutu only wanted eggs in his basket and it any of the little toys were added he would freak out. They all had a blast.

My attempts at taking Easter pictures of the kids. The girls were all game for it, Tutu not so much so I don't have a decent picture of all 3 of them. I also forgot to take individual pictures of the girls.

These are a few cute one I sneaked of Tutu.

Last but not least this was a picture of me after church. I'm sharing it so you can see how swollen my leg is. I know the quality of the picture isn't great but it's swollen from the thigh down.  My leg barely fits into my pants.  I wore them for the 1 1/2 hours to go the church and back and then changed back into my trusty sweats. I have been living in sweats or yoga pants at home but it seems liek the swelling is getting worse so they are going to become a work staple as well.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter weekend.

Ania