So yesterday after my post I got some positive comments from friends and family about how they related to my post. So maybe I should be more honest with my posts as it seems like people relate to them and inspire action in others. Maybe everything doesn't have to be all lollipops and roses. Maybe showing my growth journey will encourage others.
It has also spurred me to get out of my post block since I am writing a second post in 2 days. I think it's also giving me permission to post a post I wrote a few weeks about our journey with Monkey and her being diagnosed with 2 Learning Disabilities and my feelings around it. It's a very raw emotional post but I feel like I have more courage to post it.
Today I am revisiting a topic I have blogged about in the past and it seems like I am struggling with again. It's about juggling my priories and finding time for everything. Some people like to think of it as balance but to me it's more of a juggling act.
Last spring and summer I seemed to have had a good formula to ensure things were getting done and meeting most of my priorities but it seems like this year I am falling short. Last year I would plan out my week every Monday, schedule my days in terms of chores, meals, to-do list, wish lists, I managed to get a lot done. This year not so much.
One of the reason I feel like I am failing is I have yet to establish goals for myself for 2012, (yes the year is almost half way done but that doesn't mean I should do it) so I don't know what I need to accomplish personally. Also Rock is spending a lot of time working on himself, between attending meetings to help him attend his weight loss goals and working out (hello he has lost over 197 lbs, yup that's right he has lost a whole person's worth of weight. He is doing so awesome I am so proud of him) so on the nights he is away I am alone with 3 kids and it's very hard to get things accomplished when you have 3 loving rug rats who want your attention because they haven't seen you all day. Plus with Monkey's diagnosis, one of the things we are doing is reading with her 1 hour a day, plus her homework (which takes longer then the board maximum of 20 minutes because she needs extra time), plus we need to work on her keyboarding skills so we can try and get a lap top for her next year for school plus we need to work on her handwriting and decoding skills. So you can see that alone is very time consuming, and that doesn't factor in time for me to a) work out (or as is the case now do physio for me knee), any time to focus on my growth and any time to work on my projects.
We are all given a finite amount of time every day and it seems like I have more things to squeeze into my day then I have hours for. I could sacrifice things like sleep to accomplish more but right now I am having some heath issues surrounding my thyroid. It is increasing in size (I am going for an u/s this week to check the rate of growth to see if another biopsy needs to be done) and I am super tired. My thyroid levels are in the normal range but we have recently increased my meds in hopes to a) shrink the gland and b) give me more energy. It looks like my options for this are running out I may be forced to wean Tutu and have a radioactive iodine treatment to shrink it. Not what I want to be doing on either front but I am getting to the point that something needs to be done so I am not dragging every day. My tiredness levels are bad as it is without trying to sacrifice sleep for more hours.
My option is to sit down, make goals and prioritize all the things in my life. Weigh what needs to be done, vs. what I want to be done vs. stuff that I need to do for my sanity. It's not going to be an easy feat. It is something I am not looking forward to, which is probably why I have been avoiding it, but I am getting to a point that I have no choice. Things are not function properly and the only way to fix it is to put my big girl panties on and do it. Like my physiotherapist says when I complain about doing squats, doing them isn't about what I want to do or like to do, it's about strengthening my muscles so my knee can function better. I need to do this so my life can function better.
Here are some before and after pictures of Rock. The before was taken in March 2011 at the start of his weight loss journey and the after was taken a few weeks ago. Doesn't he look amazing?