Who do I think I am?

 

Past

Present

I've been fighting a battle with myself for a number of years.  I have yet to forgive myself for giving up  all those years ago when I got injured when swimming and I was told that if it got worse I would need to have my shoulder operated on.  I though rationally about it and thought, I'm not a world class athlete so it's better to stop and have full function then to continue and risk a major injury.


 You'd think when I made this rational decision all those years ago, I would be ok with it. Sadly I am not, I abused my body for years, smoking, eating and not exercising.  I still am beating myself up over it.


When I decided to try the triathlon relay this month it brought up these emotions and now my race partner is trying to get me to try the try it triathlon next year.  And here I am thinking I can do it. If I couldn't make it as an athlete when I was young and in shape what makes me think I can do it now?  I mean I am out of shape and much older now. Who am I kidding?


However my friend, being the great friend that she is, won't give up on me and works on me every day to do the race with her. This morning I went to the YMCA and tried to bike 10 km that I would have to do in the race.  I managed to finish it in 28.15 minutes, and then thinking I should recreate the race environment I went on the track to do some laps. I did 6 laps (5 laps = 1 km) and one of those was jogging. My asthma acted up during that jog but I did it (even if my legs felt like jello). I still have a lot more work to do but I'm starting.


Today at work I was talking to my co-workers who are also personal trainers and while they agreed with my friend that I don't need to complete the distance on the first day of training they also said some things that are leading me closer to forgiving myself. That and some comments on my facebook wall.   These 2 guys who work out for a living said that what I was doing was hardcore and they couldn't do it, especially since I do have injuries and am trying. 


Maybe I don't need to beat myself up, maybe just the act of training is enough, it is getting me to my goal of being healthier. So what if I don't finish first (even though I really want to), at least I'm getting off my butt and trying and that is more then most people can say. 


I'm not saying I have forgiven myself yet but I am well on my way. I'm also on my way of becoming on of those healthy people you hear about. 


Thanks for stopping by,


Ania

A busy and productive long weekend

The weekend was so busy I didn't have a chance to post. I spent the long weekend cleaning mostly. We cleaned out our garage which wasn't touch since we moved in. I spent a good part of Saturday cleaning it and although it looks better it is still full of stuff. I think we need to invest in a shed because we have so many big items that take up so much room. Between the lawnmower, snow blower, double jogging stroller, 2 umbrella strollers and a regular stroller, a bike, a chariot, a fridge, a work bench, some bigger wood working tools like a drill press, router, jig saw, plus the other things that tend to accumulate in a garage our 2 car garage cant' even fit 1 car in it.

I did throw out or recycle a lot of things but there is more stuff we need to purge. The problem is a lot f the stuff is emotionally charged and neither myself or Rock are ready to tackle that at the moment. At least we can walk from the front to the back of the garage without killing ourselves. It's a start at least.

Sunday we lounged around ( I was sore and tired from cleaning and doing something stupid like moving an old washing machine by myself) and in the afternoon we went to a BBQ at an old friend's house. It was nice to see them and catch up. Since the Gardner was closed we took the GO train there and back. The girls loved that, they love taking the subway or Go train. On the way home we left daddy and Tutu on the bottom level so we could go up to the top and see the world from a better vantage point. I got to show the girls the condo we use to live in before children.

Monday I was suppose to give the house a good cleaning. I got around to doing half the house, then I purged through all our shoes. I ended up throwing up quite a bit that I don't even know why they were kept because they were barely holding together.

I got sidetracked partway through the day because I walked my dad over to my friends house so he could take a look at their lawnmower. It wasn't working so he took it apart and tried to fix it for them. He wasn't able to fix it but figured out what was wrong and what part was needed.

When he was doing that it got me thinking that I need to start paying attention more to him when he fixes things around the house so that I can learn. He is a jack of all trades, he know plumbing, electrical, general contracting, appliance repair, mechanics just about everything. If something doesn't work I call him to help. He did teach me a lot but since I've had kids I don't get to watch and learn as often as I would like as I usually have a little one wanting my attention. As much as I want him to be around forever I know that it wont' happen. I need to glean as much as I can from him now so I can do it myself later, that or I'll have to pay someone to do it.

After that I finished cleaning the house, we went out to dinner to celebrate my parents 35th wedding anniversary. Dinner was yummy, we went to East Side Mario's. The kids all behaved, for the most part. Ont he way home it was like the Heaven's opened up. The rain was pouring down and the girls were disappointed that we weren't able to do fireworks. We got home and after a whiel the rain stopped. We called over our friends and neighbours and set off the fireworks. We didn't have anywhere to sit but the fireworks were enjoyed by all.

Last week wasn't a good workout week for me, while I was doing my almost nightly walks I only hit the pool once. I went again this morning but I was only able to do 1200m in total. My 750m took about 16 minutes. I was really sore from the aforementioned washing machine incident and was feeling the burn in my leg muscles. So as not to injure myself I figured better to get out.

I have been noticing the 3 weeks I've been back in the pool that I am one of the few females that swim in the mornings. I'm not counting the ladies that are in the slow lane who don't even put their head in the water swimming. I mean all out swim, using proper strokes, wear a cap on your head, goggles and racing suit. This morning there was 1 other female swimming and when I was leaving another one coming in. On the other hand there was 9 males. I think I've seen maybe another 2-3 women around. I wonder why there is so few females in the pool? Back in the days when I competed there was a lot of us.

I wasn't able to weigh myself this morning as the scale was out of order so I don't know how I'm doing in that front. I'm not doing this to loose weight but it would be nice to see an improvement. I usually go by my pants if they are loose then I know I'm on track but my pants were already loose before I started this. I guess my goal will be to have my pants falling off before I go and start buying a new wardrobe.

And then tonight I hooked up the chariot to the bike and took the kids for a bike ride. I haven't rode a bike for 4 years but I hopped on tonight. We biked over to my parents place. We were out for an hour. Pretty funny since this morning I quit swimming because my legs were sore and here I go for a bike ride. My legs are officially jello tonight. My friend T is such a bad influence even when she's not around. Today in an e-mail she told me that I will be doing the triathlon myself next year. I think she needs to wash her mouth out with soap for such dirty words. Monkey rode her bike there and back as well. I'm so proud of her, she's doing so well riding her bike. She mastered 2 wheels on Thursday and now we can take a longer trip on the bike.